Terribly sick this week, in bed but felt I needed to write something for my weekly blog. Hopefully I can get back to this as I feel better and get out of bed.
Terribly sick this week, in bed but felt I needed to write something for my weekly blog. Hopefully I can get back to this as I feel better and get out of bed.
So at the start of this journey we were asked to write a DMP. This was something very new to me as I did not even know what that was. To start we first had to realize what are needs were. What we felt we needed to accomplish from the deepest recesses of our soul. Our needs could not be a long statement but two words out of seven to choose from. Then the writing began. There were stipulations for that also. It needed to be under 400 words, dates given, places named and more. There were many writes and rewrites before it was finally approved by my coach. It was quite the relief when it was finally approved.
I have noticed that I have started to lose interest in the process, omitting some of the readings and sits without really knowing why. After some reflection I realized that the two needs that I had chosen were not resonating with my heart. I originally had two chosen and then changed them as I started to compose my DMP only to find out now (21 weeks later) that I need to change them back to what was originally chosen.
So back to the drawing board I go, once again a rewrite is in my future.
What I have realized is that I will get to where I want to be. Not only will my two needs be met but it will still encompass the other need. My needs will not be met personally without that third that goes hand in hand.
Is this a good thing? Yes, yes it is. It is a very good thing. Your DMP is a work in progress just like your life, always moving forward and changing with the tides.
At the start of this journey we were told the old cement that keeps us stuck in a life of mediocrity, procrastination and the feeling of unworthiness would slowly be chipped away. For those involved in the Master Key Mastermind you know what I am talking about. For those that are not the cement is referring to our comfort zone, our beliefs and many other forms of baggage that we mentally hold on to without even realizing that it is there.
I joined this group as I had heard of the master keys many years ago, I even had and still do have a copy of them all nicely put in a binder . I do admit that I did try to read them but the language was very foreign to me. They were written in 1911 in old English, yes English a language that most of us use but yet very different. It is very hard to understand because we use so much slang today. Needless to say I gave up, put them on the shelf with many other things that I tend to do, later. I want a lot out of this life that I was given but unless I have a cheering squad I tend to put things a side for another day.
Have I seen a change since starting this course, yes I have. Is it a major life altering change? No not quite yet but a change none the less. Is it more than one thing that I see happening? Yes it is. I have decided that when I start things I will finish them to the end. I do not procrastinate near as much as I use to. I still do but I also realize when I am doing it and put a stop to it relatively quickly. I use to chime in when people around me would gossip and become negative but now I do not partake in such mentally unhealthy activities. Am I perfect? Of course not but I find myself much more aware when it begins than ever before.
Will all these small things make a major change in my life? Yes they will. As I found that the reason that I have some of my beliefs really has nothing to do with me but how I was raised and they were ingrained in me from a young age by my parents and probably their parents. I need to change this so they are more in line with my life and the reality of the times. I have also learned that the reason that I procrastinate is not the fact that I am lazy (well maybe a bit) but a deeper feeling that I am not worthy for more than I have, which is not true. Others are out making a successful life for themselves and getting what they want and I can do that also, whatever that means to me personally.
The chunks of cement are dropping off slowly but it is happening. Will I be cement free before the end of this course, maybe not but at least I know there is hope for me to live the life of my choosing and if I keep practicing the keys than the final reward of having the freedom to create my life is all mine.
FEAR, we all know the word.
There probably is something whether we want to admit it or not that we are afraid of. Yes there are those big tough macho guys who like to PRETEND that there is nothing they cannot do, nothing that scares them even one small tiny bit.
I like to put fear into two categories. The first is something that we can see feel and touch, something tangible. It may be something like teensy weensy tiny spiders or something larger like a big wilder beast. The second is intangible. Something that is not really there but still can leave you frozen in your steps, stuck maybe for a short time or maybe forever, not being able to enjoy your life to the fullest or accomplish what you really think you are here to do. It is this type of fear that is the hardest thing to overcome.
This week are asked to look at five different components and how they affect our life. Those components are fear, guilt, unworthiness, hurt feelings and anger. This has been quite an eye opener for me. I know there are things that I am afraid of. I am claustrophobic for one. Not as bad as I used to be but sometimes it still overtakes me. There are things that I do want to do in my life and overcoming that obstacle is a big one. The big one that is truly affecting my life in a negative way is the fear of presenting a business to people and businesses. I am in the process of studying for exams so that I can enter a business that REQUIRES me to go out and show my business to others. I was studying madly until December as I wanted my license by January 31 then suddenly BAM. I stopped. Thinking about it this week I self-sabotaged myself. If I do this, study, write my exam, get licensed then I would HAVE to face the fear of presenting this business to both friends and strangers. Big swallow here, oh my goodness, how will I do that? My excuses will be gone, the excuses that I do not have the knowledge. I realized this week that all the other times I tried to start up in a business I failed for the same reason. My fear to talk to others. This is a mental fear, it is not like they are going to stare me down and if they say no thank you I will not die from rejection!! As I gave this more thought I did come to realize that my fear is not so much talking to people, really I have been in retail a lot in my life from a very young age, but it is my fear of success. My own personal belief that I am not worthy of success, that I have no right to want more then I have and that I am also to blame for where I am now by the decisions that I have made in my life. I have no reason to feel guilty because I think that I deserve more from my life. I have moved from realization to anger, to tears and back to anger again. I need to figure out a way how to overcome that feeling of unworthiness so that I can move forward with my DMP for my sake and that of my children. So that they can see that they can do so much more then what they think they can. I am worthy damn it and I need to make it happen!! I need to figure out a way so I will ponder this more and take the steps required to overcome all of it. The fear, anger guilt and feeling of not being worthy. We are all worthy, even me!
So many times over the years you hear people say you should live every day to its fullest. We recently started to read a new scroll from The Greatest Salesman and it is about living each day as if it is your last. This all sounds good when you read about it and when someone talks to you about that entire concept but more time than not, even though people say they will change that aspect of their life they fall back into their regular routine. After all we all seem to think that we will live forever.
Looking back to when you are a child you never think about the actions that you take, you just go ahead and do them not worrying about the consequences. As a teenager the last thing I ever thought about was getting hurt trying something new or worse yet knowing something was dangerous but peer pressure won more times than I care to think. Although I did not do anything really stupid there are some questionable activities in my past. Then comes the years when you really think that you should know better. You know what I am talking about, early thirties when you actually have responsibilities like a spouse and a child or three. But still sometimes your brain just takes a time out and you end up doing things that later you regret mostly because you got hurt doing it because “you are not as young as you use to be.”
The thing is it is usually those times, especially as you are getting older and really should know better, that you know you will never regret those experiences. The ones that you fear doing, the ones that give you such a rush once you have done them you cannot wait to do them again. The ones that take your breath away and make your heart race like never before.
It is those times that you know you are living your life to the fullest, taking challenges and facing your fears. I know that I still have many of those days ahead of me, more days that will take my breath away and many more experiences that I will remember forever.
I hope this for everyone.
May we all live this day as if it is our last.
Many times over the Master Keys course I keep hearing about change. The change that people have experienced, some very large and some small. Even Mark has keeps talking about the change that you will see in yourself and how you view those around you.
I must admit that I have really had my doubts that any real change was happening to me. I personally could not see it. Then I had something happen that has made me rethink the entire notion that there has been change.
My roommate was going away for a month and a couple days before she was to leave she had to find someone to shovel snow in the condo unit where we live. So she would not be stressed I told her not to worry about it I could shovel the snow after all she had far more things to worry about then hire a contractor for snow removal. And really how hard could it be a few hours here and there and if I was lucky a chinook would come in and melt it all anyway. Things were going quite well, shovelled a bit and yes we got a chinook for almost a week. Temperatures in the low teens so no snow shovelling for me, yeaah!! Then BAM a couple days ago hit with lots of snow, it has not stopped. But here is what has happened, not only am I humming as I am shovelling snow in -16 I find myself smiling. People are coming out to thank me for shovelling their walks (isn’t that nice of them). Then an older lady whose walkway I was told NOT to shovel, she has many carpets on her walkway, is going to her car and she starts to talk to me and is being very rude. I try to ask her a few questions, try to engage in a positive manner with her and she just rides over top of me not listening to a word that I am trying to say. She then gets in her car and drives away. My response was “wow, I feel terribly sorry for her as she is so negative and so darn grumpy, I wonder if she has any friends.” I finished my shovelling went in the house and this poor lady just kept creeping back into my mind so I bundled back up and went to shovel her walkway, well shovelled the carpeting that is on her walkway.
Before this course I would have replayed the event over and over in my mind for the remainder of the day getting angry that I was not being heard and saying to myself she is such a rude, rude lady. Since this course I can proudly say I gave her a bit of love and respect which is maybe all she needed in the first place and never gave her another thought. Well that is a lie, I did say to myself that hopefully she will learn a bit from the actions I took and may speak better to all those she encounters and sent some love her way!
I started to think about going through my days lately and overall the happiness is there how I approach people and my interaction with everyone is so much better and more positive. For that I am very thankful.
Now back to more shovelling, I just might not be quite as grateful for snow anymore!!
The hero’s journey! I must admit the name did scare me a little. I mean really, who am I to think that I will be considered, let alone remembered as a hero? But as per usual it sometimes takes your children to bring you back to reality and realize just what it means to be a hero and who you are a hero too.
On Wednesday I managed to speak or spend some time face to face with all three of boys. It is a rarity that this happens that is why once a month I organize a family night but even in that case we all do not seem to make it there. Usually someone is working.
When I spoke to my youngest that day he had relayed the message that he has been feeling a bit depressed as of late that he just was not living up to his potential and that he could do so much more with his life. He knew what he wanted to do but to actually get to it and get things done was another issue. I explained to him that his intuition was speaking with him and he really needed to learn to trust that feeling and go with it to see where it takes him. I have since set time aside with him and I will show him the index card scenarios. The WPOA and also the service card. If these get him on the right track and in the proper head space he needs to be to tackle more and realize his full potential then I will be ecstatic.
I met with my middle son, who has recently been layed off and is struggling in his relationship. This struggle is not anything new but with the added stress of unemployment it seems overwhelming for him. After listening to him the only advice I could really offer was the same as I gave my youngest. You really need to learn to follow the instincts that your gut is telling you and if you really feel that this is not the best relationship for you to be in then it needs to come to an end. Will it be hard yes, but in the end you will both find what you need with another person. The longer that he puts off doing this the harder it will be for all concerned.
I met with my oldest son who had dropped out of college only to regret it a few years later. He is now working full time, attending courses in person and online to obtain the degree that he wanted in the first place. In three short years he will have his masters which he so badly wants. He relayed to me that as of late he has been so disappointed in himself because not only did he drop out of college but it has taken him so long to get back on track to pursue his degree. He told me it was many years of wasted time. I told him at that there are no wasted years just lessons to be learned and as long as you do not make the same mistakes in the future then you will have no problem moving on. I was glad that he followed the voice inside of him that was telling him to move forward and not be content with what he has now. He then pulled out a book from his backpack and told me I should read this as it will help get me moving to define MY purpose and move me forward. I find the book very interesting as it is much the same as we have been learning for the last 17 weeks.
So three children, all wanting to talk on the same day, all wanting to talk about what they have, where they are in their life and wanting to move forward. Being a mother I listened, gave advice as required but realized that the advice was the same. Follow your instincts, your gut or your intuition whatever you call it as they all have their own hero’s journey ahead of them.
As for my journey? I may not become well known by the world or my name attached to any great thing but my journey has just begun as a mother whose children have grown and a new adventure awaits me. My hopes is that I can help my boys on their own journey so that they can realize their dreams and their full potential.
The photos are of my Christmas present from my youngest son this year. A compass, so fitting for this weeks lesson.
I find scroll IV of Og Mandino’s The Greatest Salesman in the World very revealing. I have found it very powerful for myself as I reflect on the words of this chapter. It is very sad to realize the things that I have not created in my life because I thought that I would be judged by others in a negative way. I do not express opinions and rarely speak up about anything. I did not want to be the center of attention and the thought that people would be looking at me made me very uncomfortable.
I realize now that I should celebrate who I am and venture forth in the world and celebrate the real me. I should approach ALL people and tasks that are put in front of me with strength and confidence I know that I have deep inside of me and I am sure that it is crying to get out.
What I now have to learn is how to get that voice to the outside world, I am hoping that it will be sooner than later and yes it will be a struggle but I am hoping that with each victory the next struggle becomes less difficult.
This week we as a mastermind were not only looking for kindness that others were doing around us but also we were to give kindness. When giving random acts of kindness we were supposed to try and do something that did not require recognition for the act.
I found that I could definitely do a lot of kindness acts. They varied from opening doors for people to letting people out in traffic while driving. These of course were noticeable. On Friday while doing my errands after work I found myself just a little more courteous. Instead of giving a thank you to those that served me I added a have a good weekend to that and it seemed to make a bigger impact on the people receiving it. I did manage to do only one kindness that went unnoticed. It was first thing Monday morning and it was a great start to my week. It had snowed Sunday night so while my car was warming up I scraped the snow off of four other cars that were parked around me. I am not sure what made this so exciting? The fact that I was being kind or the fact that I was doing it under the cover of darkness and was trying to not get caught.
I did notice that a lot of what I was doing this week was what I do on a constant basis but I was just made a little more aware of it all this week.
Did I enjoy my week of kindness, yes I did and I am sure for everyone on the receiving end enjoyed it also.
I am doing the sit, yes I have missed a few along the way. More as Christmas approached but I am back at it once again. There are a few questions that I still have about the sit that we do every day.
I do realize that this is a self-directed course but sometimes clarity is needed and this would be a great spot where answers may be needed.
I do keep moving along still hoping that I will have an epiphany like so many others and I do hope that the few negative thoughts that I have will not affect the entire process for me. I do realize that everyone moves at different paces in every process so I know there is still hope that my time will come.